Martin Thackery for President!

Martin Thackery is a candidate who’s proving a lot of people wrong. Despite a hairstyle inspired by “Hotel Transylvania” and rumors that his second wife was a North Korean spy, his negatives are surprisingly low. Plus he just shot ahead of his opponent, incumbent Cameron Sutcliffe, in the latest Gallup-NBC poll.

Thackery’s campaign had been stuck on the issues of tax reform and immigration, but all that changed when President Sutcliffe put the “you know what” on hold. You know, the HULA Hoop. In case you haven’t heard, the HULA Hoop, located just outside Columbus, Ohio, is a particle accelerator, sort of like the Large Hadron Collider in Europe, only bigger. Much bigger. It was to be christened by the President prior to the election, but its primary architect, Nobel laureate Morgan Wu of Cal Tech, suddenly got cold feet.


Stay tuned.