Get Me Underground in Time

Our President is giddy with excitement at the prospect of starting a nuclear war. And why not? It’s the ultimate in showdownmanship: an act which, if properly executed, literally no one can follow. Luckily for Orange Donnie, he has the perfect foil in Kim Jong-Un, an obnoxious bully like himself, only with bigger hands and better hair. We’ve learned that our Nemesis-in-Chief has been singing a catchy tune of late about this eventuality, typically alone at night on the toilet. Its lyrics, when sung to the melody of Get Me to the Church on Time by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe, may perhaps provide a modicum of insight into the wrinkled lentil that occupies his desolate brainpan…

Before singing along with Orange Donnie you may wish to brush up on the verse and chorus of our song with Stanley Holloway from the 1964 film adaptation of My Fair Lady.

All brushed up? Okay, just hit the pause key on the bottom left to stop the video, and here goes:

 

I’m nuking Pyongyang in the morning,

Set my alarm to sound the chime.

I’ll push the button, then do some struttin’,

Then get me underground in time.

__________

I’ll share the bunker with Ivanka,

We’ll take a chef who’s in his prime.

Gin with a twist there, maybe a tryst there,

Just get me underground in time.

Chorus:

If Kim Jong-Un decides to level Seoul,

We’ll have a market for West Virginia coal.

Yes, I’m nuking Pyongyang in the morning,

’Til then I’m working overtime,

Logged into twitter, here on the shitter,

The throne where I was crowned, where no one snoops around,

For gawd sakes get me underground in time.

Verse:

I’m nuking Pyongyang in the morning,

Boy are my numbers gonna climb.

I’ll blow the whistle, fire off a missile

Then get me underground in time.

__________

My base will gladly re-elect me,

Though they’ll be mired in the slime.

Trying to crawl out, sick from the fallout,

Please get me underground in time.

Chorus:

If Mister Putin decides to get involved,

At least my fix with the Russians will be solved.

Cause I’m nuking Pyonyang in the morning,

Don’t ever tell me that’s a crime.

Here’s for the printer, no nuclear winter

Will signal my defeat, as long as I can tweet,

For gawd sakes get me to my suite in time.

© 2017 Ron Dulaney