Donnie Get Your Gun

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This week we offer a sing-along tribute to our recently anointed Queen Mother based on the music and lyrics of the great Irving Berlin. In the tradition of Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett, Her/His Majesty will team up with a quintet of her/his favorite vocalists: Russian President Vladimir Putin, Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, Former U.S. Vice-President Al Gore, Former U.S. President Barack Obama, and Trusted High-Ranking Advisor, Kellyanne Conway.

Before singing along with Donnie and her/his partners, you may wish to brush up on the refrain and chorus of our tune with Betty Hutton and Howard Keel.

All brushed up? Okay, here goes:

putin

1st Refrain

[Trump] Any vote you can rig I can rig better.

I can rig any election I choose.

[Putin] Nyet you can’t.

[Trump] Yes I can.

[Putin] Nyet you can’t.

[Trump] Yes I can.

[Putin] Nyet you can’t.

[Trump] Yes I can, yes I can.

 

[Putin] You may be rich but I’m forty times richer.

I’m at least forty times richer than you.

[Trump] You’re a thief.

[Putin] Da is true.

[Trump] You’re corrupt.

[Putin] Just like you.

[Trump] You’re a putz.

[Putin] Da I am, da I am.

1st chorus

[Putin] I can mount de Milo with my giant silo.

[Trump] I could grab her cookie, maybe score some nookie.

[Putin] I can penetrate a moose.

[Trump] A hole in a fence?

[Putin] Da.

[Trump] So can Mike Pence.

 

nieto

2nd refrain

[Trump] Any wall you can build I can build greater,

Higher and better and cheaper than you.

[Nieto] Go ahead.

[Trump] It’s a date.

[Nieto] Build away.

[Trump] Just you wait.

[Nieto] What a farce.

[Trump] It’s your fate, on a plate.

 

[Nieto] Any damn wall you build you’ll have to pay for.

You’ll have to pay for your stupid ass wall.

[Trump] No I won’t.

[Nieto] Si you will.

[Trump] No I won’t.

[Nieto] Every frill.

[Trump] No I won’t.

[Nieto] Si you will, every bill.

2nd chorus

[Trump] You’re a bunch of papists, murderers and rapists.

[Nieto] You’re a fat burrito, topped off with a Cheeto.

[Trump] You’re a third-rate, third-world chump.

[Nieto] Your brain is on Mars.

[Trump] Huh?

[Nieto] We build half your cars.

 

Former U.S. vice-president Al Gore attends the 2011 Global Urban Development Forum in Beijing

 

 

 

 

 

3rd refrain

[Gore] Every square inch of the globe you’ll make warmer.

Raise the damn temperature clean off the charts.

[Trump] No I won’t.

[Gore] I’ve no doubt.

[Trump] No I won’t!

[Gore] Such a lout.

[Trump] NO I WON’T!!!

[Gore] When you pout, please don’t shout.

Third chorus

[Trump] Sip your diet cola, have some more granola.

[Gore] Judging by your waistline, Quarter Pounders taste fine.

[Trump] I’ll make America great again!

[Gore] With fracking and coal?

[Trump] Yep.

[Gore] There goes the South Pole!

 

obama

 

 

 

 

 

Fourth refrain

[Trump] Anything you can tweet I can tweet faster.

I can tweet fancy words faster than you.

[Obama] No you can’t.

[Trump] I’m a wit.

[Obama] No you’re not.

[Trump] I’m the shit.

[Obama] That’s so true.

[Trump] And with words I’m a whiz.

4th chorus

[Trump] My inauguration was a great sensation.

[Obama] Though the stats you stated were a tad inflated.

[Trump] I’m the smartest man on earth.

[Obama] Can you write a blog?

[Trump] Sure.

[Obama] So can my dog.

 

Campaign manager Kellyanne Conway for U.S. Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump speaks to the media at Trump Tower in the Manhattan borough of New York

Finale

[Conway] How in the hell did this clown get elected?

If I’d known then, I’d have never signed on.

[Trump] You say what?

[Conway] Man, you suck.

[Trump] You’re a twat.

[Conway] You’re a schmuck.

[Trump} Kellyanne!

[Conway] Just my luck, now we’re stuck….

(one, two, big finish)

Like a truck in the muck …. (hold that note for four years)

© 2017 Ron Dulaney

 

6 comments

  1. Pretty clever, Ron. Must have been fun writing.:-)
    Yup, hard to predict what awaits us. Like Thomas Hardy once said, “if a way to the better there be, it exacts a full look at the worst.” Gotta keep the hope…..

    Like

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